Paradigm Shift
by random eggy
Summary: The truth of love dawns upon us through bumps and bruises, denials and acceptances, and learning to believe. HikaruAkari.
1. Chapter 1

Just to make sure everything's clear.

_Italics are thoughts._

And no, I don't own Hikari no Go. I mean, if I did, I would make sure that Akari gets more appearance. This disclaimer applies for the whole story.

Okay, on with the story!

Chapter 1: The Push Forward

When or how had she began harbouring feelings for Hikaru, Akari did not quite know. It probably was not an exact moment, but she did remembered being dazzled by his blonde bangs, once, when he ran towards her against the sun and when his smile was bright enough to fit his name. They were probably six then.

_No. It would be _creepy_ if I fell in love with him at six._

It is scary enough to think that she might have liked him in a dazed, love-hate manner since grade four, when the urge to insult the opposite sex did not stop them from continuing their friendship but often left her livid after a nonsensical argument which he claimed to have won. She had only know vaguely then, but she hated how when they argued he always had to say something belittling, like she wasn't on par with him. She had wanted to match him even if it meant calling him names that her mother would not hesitate to wash out of her mouth with soap should she have heard.

Then, his exposure to Go in grade six accelerated the whole realisation process. She first rationalised that she was upset by their increasingly sparse contact because he was, after all, her best friend. But the pang in her heart when she thought about them in _past tense_ did not felt like mere longing for a friend, because she had known more friends through her Go club and they could not suffice. No body can quite cheer her up or anger her like Hikaru does. (_Or did_, she thought.)

For almost a whole year after her acceptance of her feelings, she was madly in one-sided love with Hikaru. All that entailed, really, was random but agonizing hordes of memories, guesses and second-guesses about him. Sometimes she would be reminded of a silly joke he told her when they were young. Sometimes she would wonder what he was doing right this moment and had to fight down the urge to run over to his house, because she had work to do and his lights were out anyways.

Sometimes she would think that no matter how cliché the fallen-for-best-friend-but-doesn't-want-to-risk-friendship situation was, she would gladly ask to be stuck in it – even if she would have none of the luck of a heroine of a romance novel – because at least it would mean they still have a friendship to risk and she could still call Hikaru her best friend. She had handed that title over to, most likely, Touya Akira, and she doubts that she can ever get it back, unless she suddenly developed a knack at Go.

Then she would see the neat writing of the notes she was studying blur before her eyes. She had lost him to a bloody game. The game that she liked well enough, but never seem able to become good at.

Now a high school sophomore and sick of her own tears, Akari had made her way from denial, nervousness, acceptance, to the stage called "wanting to get rid of it".

She wanted her thoughts about him to go back to having that carefree nature like they did during their childhood friendship – then, she would only ever briefly wonder which part of town Hikaru might want to explore tomorrow, and not stupidly contemplate whether Hikaru would prefer the company of a Goban or her if the end of the world came somehow.

If only she could understand what she saw in Hikaru, perhaps she could reason herself out of liking him. Why exactly was it that when other girls dreamt of the perfect date with riches and handsome features, she, rather un-ambitiously, dreamt of Hikaru with his cheeky grins?

--

"Why?"

"I like the game," Akari replied hesitantly, before adding, "and I probably am used to being in the club."

"Fujisaki-san," her career advisor paused and seemed to arrange the words in his head, "Your extracurricular has been Go club since junior high school, and you have been taking increasingly important charges in the Club. If you can somehow incorporate this fact in your university applications, it might be a merit. I remember you are considering a major in foreign language…Go-related journalism or translation could be prospective job for you. You may want to choose a school that offers student-designed major or training for sports journalism."

_I don't know if I want that much Go in my life_. Hiding her shock at the proposal, Akari nodded and thanked the teacher. She had stubbornly stayed in the Go club in her junior and senior high schools because she felt obliged and because, if only a little, she felt connected to Hikaru. Never had she thought this choice might shape who she would be. She did not like to think that she had sacrificed a part of who she was just to continue staying in Go clubs, but maybe she did.

_...at least I don't despise the game_. It was good fun when she managed to guess her opponent's next move. But she was no good at it most of the time. She liked the friends she knew from the clubs, and she liked being part of a team. She had also been reading Go Weekly regularly, first just to catch news about Hikaru, but later also to read up on the names that Hikaru mentioned sometimes in their conversations.

Being a journalist for Go though was something Akari had never considered. It would not be dull, she supposed, and she knew for sure that she would like learning a foreign language… or even meeting Hikaru at work! Akari shook her head and stopped her train of thoughts. Making her job decision based on wether she could meet Hikaru was a bad idea. The job was too specific and there might not be a lot of job vacancies. She should try for something broader and safer.

_Besides, getting to meet Hikaru doesn't mean anything would actually happen_. Since their homes were close to each other, it was not uncommon for Akari and Hikaru to bump into each other sometime in the afternoon, but it was uncommon for them to talk to each other for longer than a minute. They were so painfully polite nowadays that sometimes she felt like they were strangers who happened to call each other by their first names.

She did not know who had slipped that note of distant politeness into their conversations. Maybe it was her, who sometimes had a tight schedule and did not have time to listen to his fantastic feat in Go. Or maybe it was him, who sometimes was silently replaying a game in his head and did not have the heart to listen to her news about the Go club. Maybe they both helped push that rift between them wider since stepping onto separate paths in grade six.

She had been analysing their non-existent relationship for too long. Akari closed her eyes in frustration. _I have to end this_.

--

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Akari stared at her flushed reflection in the mirror and groaned, hiding her face in her hands, "This is ridiculous! Why am I practicing in front of a mirror like some manga characters?"

The solution she came up with was simple. Confront Hikaru. Tell him about her feelings. Get rejected and possibly lose their friendship. Move on.

This was actually something she had wanted to do for a long time. To take charge of her life instead of drift along with the flow, unoffending to anyone but cowardly. She was tired of the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens, and she does not want herself to regret not having taken action.

She looked up again, and her mirror self looked back at her with determination. She lifted her eyes to the window and she could see the light of Hikaru's room; it was still on.

"I should go while I have the courage to." She said out loud to herself, stood up abruptly and ran out of her room.

--

The sharp knock at the door jolted Hikaru out of his study of records of Sai's games. Hikaru looked at the clock by his desk and noted it was already eleven o'clock, quite late for a visit.

He heard his mother's voice greeted the guest, sounding pleasantly surprised. He then heard his name uttered by a soft voice in a polite but quick tone and he suddenly knew who the visitor must be, because no one else could be here at this time of the hour and not make a bad impression on his mother.

"Coming," quickly buttoning up his wrinkled shirt, he shouted before his mother could call for him.

Skipping down the stairs he saw that it was indeed Akari who stood at the door frame, eyes ablaze. She was breathing shallowly, as if she had ran the whole way from her house to his. There was a brazen look etched in her features, the one that Hikaru last seen when they tried to tie tails of a stray cat and a dog together.

"Hey," he raised an eyebrow at her, wondering what she was up to this time. Akari rarely did something out of lines, but when she decided to do so, it was always something big.

"I want to talk to you," she said, rather forcefully.

Hikaru's eyebrows shoot up higher. "Sure," He nodded, thinking she was stating the obvious. Why else would she be here?

"But not here," Akari turned to his mother, apologetic, "Sorry, Mrs. Shindou, no offence. It's nothing bad though, I promise."

"I believe you," Hikaru's mother smiled understandingly. Hikaru never really understood why she trusted Akari so much, when she had done half of the crazy things he had done as a kid.

Akari beamed back warmly before her eyes sought out his. Hikaru thought he saw the twinkle wavered in her eyes, but it was gone after he blinked. "Come on," she said over her shoulders as she turned on her heels.

It was new experience for Hikaru to be walking behind Akari. Usually it was the other way around, or she would wait for him so that they could walk shoulder to shoulder. This time he was watching her back and he could not help but admit that she had a figure he didn't bother to notice before. Her shoulders were small and round compared to his and her thick hair hung midway on her back. The sleeveless top she was wearing hugged her waist and her shorts revealed several inches of creamy skin above her knees.

Akari suddenly stopped and whirled around. Hikaru avoided her gaze, nervous that she might be able to read what he was thinking just a moment before. He never dreamed that there would be a day when he would be nervous to meet her gaze. He looked at their surrounding and noticed nothing special other than that they were standing underneath the nearest street lamp to the junction between the two roads that lead to their respective homes.

Akari's question turned his attention back to her. "Remember when I told you that you have changed after our graduation ceremony?"

"Yeah..." Hikaru's voices trailed on, prompting her to carry on.

"Well, I don't like that change."

"Um, excuse me?" He blinked. Where on earth was she going with this conversation?

Akari swallowed, looking uneasy, but the fire in her eyes danced brighter, "I hate that you had to be distant in order to be mature."

"What –"

She cut him off, her voice growing stronger, "I hate that indifferent smile you always wear when you ask me about my Go club. It's like you don't care. Why do you ask if you don't care?"

"I was trying to be nice!" Hikaru felt indignant at her accusation.

"Ah, so you really don't care!" she pointed out, but her triumphant tone was betrayed by the hurt in her voice.

"No! I mean, we're friends!" he lowered his voice, utterly confused. Why was she trying to prove something that would hurt her? "Where you get these ideas of me 'not caring' from?"

"But you always hang out with your Go friends now. When we meet we talk about the weather and then we part, it's like we were never best friends!"

"We spend less time together, yes, but that doesn't mean I will forget the time we did spend together."

Akari looked up in fear, trying to gauge the emotion behind these words. Was he in earnest or was he dismissive? Hard as she tried, however, his grey eyes were unreadable as he looked back at her. It was either that he was better at hiding his emotion, or she was losing the ability to read him. She hoped it was the former.

At length she replied dryly, "You mean, I'll just be in your past."

Hikaru made an annoyed grunt, hating the way she kept twisting his completely well-intended words in to such pessimistic ideas. "What are you talking about? Aren't you in my _present_ as well?" he emphasised the word sarcastically.

Hikaru immediately regretted his words as Akari turned her face away and said in a strained voice, "Not if you don't want me there."

He felt his stomach tightened at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes, he wanted to apologize but he did not know where to start.

Akari continued, gingerly wiping away a tear that had escaped, "I want you to talk to me because you want to, not because you feel the need to honour our past friendship."

"I do want to talk to you," Hikaru appeased.

"I'm interesting in everything about you so you can tell me about whatever subject you like, even Go, though I might not understand most of it."

"Er, I'll do that."

_Hikaru really is a loser in front of tearful girls_. Akari smiled fondly. Then she remembered what she had came for in the first place. Biting her lips, she spoke slowly to stop herself from stammering, "And, I want to know, if you would still want to talk to me after you know that I like you."

At first Hikaru thought he might have heard wrong. He gaped at Akari who seemed embarrassed by the nakedness of her words. He was sure that he himself must not look any better as he felt his own face heating up.

She watched his mouth opened and closed and guessed that he was struggling to process this information. The fact that he just might be as at a lost of what to do as she was made her resolute as she finally re-locked gaze with him.

Hikaru was both alarmed and fascinated by the look of hope and despair in her chocolate-brown eyes, lit by an unknown passion. He knew he should respond to her somehow, but his head was a mess, swarming with sudden recollections of the Akari he knew since kindergarten. He could see the movements of Akari's lips forming the three syllables as she repeated, "I like you."

**A/N**: Wow, kind of a cliffie there. And I thought I can't do cliffies..

This fic is set after two years of uneventful-ness after the end of the manga because I think that Hikaru has grown more mature by their junior high graduation and would take care to not pick fights with Akari. Since they don't go to the same school anymore, it's hard for me to imagine how they would have much small talk material.

I don't know if I've made Akari too angsty... I tried to keep her IC as best as I can. To me, she is quiet, kind, and cares for Hikaru deeply. She is also sensible (something Hikaru hadn't been), since, even though she didn't want to offend Hikaru, she asked him to not come to the Club because Mitani might see him. But, later in the manga she could not bring herself to question him in the Sai disappearance crisis, and I had the impression that she was afraid to be in his bad book. The way I see it is that Akari had started out unafraid to offend Hikaru, but in the end because of her growing awareness of her feelings for him she was afraid to speak up.

Thus, after a period for her frustration at her own passive attitude to build up, I believe she would confront Hikaru about her feelings because she realised that she has to do something about it for it to either go away or to be fulfilled, particularly when she find that she seemed to be losing some of her independence to these feelings.

Constructive criticism, reviews, corrections, suggestions, your own interpretation on Akari's character etc etc, all would be welcome!

Go Weekly: I'm not sure what the name of the Go magasine is in English. I read the manga in another language so if anyone can tell me if I'm right or wrong, or just comfort me with the fact that they don't know as well, I'd be grateful :D


	2. Chapter 2

It has been such a long time since my last update… (ashamed)

I present to you the very belated…

* * *

Chapter 2: Defense Mechanisms

* * *

For reasons beyond the grasp of Hikaru's confounded mind, it was hard for him to move his gaze away from Akari's lips, moist and glistening under the street lamp, nor erase the sudden recollection of the way these very same lips pouted when he teased her about her height a few years ago.

Akari noticed the slight shift in his line of vision. She wanted to smile at the fact that she _finally_ got him in something like a stare contest,but could barely move with her throat so dry and her heart pounding at her ribcage.

Slowly and abstractedly, Hikaru processed the information at hand. He was not the most informed when it came to romance, he rarely gave the topic much thought and least of all pictured Akari and him in a romantic situation. As a long-time reader of Shounen Jump Weekly, he had the vague impression that love confessions either end up with people kissing, or with somebody in tears. In order to avoid further tears at all cost…

_Does this mean I would have to kiss her?_ Hikaru shook himself as the impropriety of looking at her lips finally dawned on him. He looked away, focusing his attention harder on deciding what to do.

She said she liked him. As in _that way_!

Hikaru could not distinguish between the burst of confusion, panic and awe whether he was pleased or troubled by the news.

Akari, the Akari he knew since god-knows-when, liked him! She liked him – liked him enough that she shed tears at the thought of his indifference to her! She liked him, and that was why she insisted so forcefully that he did not care!

As all these realisations bubbled and erupted with a bang, he was suddenly struck by how unfair it was for Akari to judge him. Her view of their friendship was skewed by her feelings and her insecurities heightened. Her one-sided love did not give her the right to accuse him the one that failed to make their friendship work, the one that needed to apologize. She should not have doubted their friendship or his care for her.

The gears in his mind clicked, picked up its pace and his patience, previously curbed by her tears, grew short again. Hikaru suddenly smirked.

"So this is what it was all about?"

Akari had pictured a variety of respond from Hikaru, but she had not seen this one coming.

"Huh?" she whispered, her heart sinking and her courage deserting her at once. Although she did not understand his question, she could tell from his tone that this was not to be a warm reception.

He gestured, still wearing that awful leer and those awful awful unreadable eyes, "You accused me of being indifferent, when it was just you and your romantic feelings being paranoid."

It was her turn to open and close her mouth, but no blush crept to her face which was drained of colour. She felt like she was in grade four all over again, trying to keep up with his harsh but spot-on comments. He always had been perceptive when he bothered to try.

Hikaru did not know why he felt the need to poke Akari at the point where he knew it would hurt the most, and he was not keen on analyzing his own feelings. Perhaps he did not like the way his mind flounders at a lost when thinking of her romantically. His instincts were to guard himself against distractions from his preparation the Judan Competition, one that would lead him to the Honindo competition and closer to Sai.

So he pushed on, ignoring the nagging suspicion that his words might inflict much more harm than necessary.

"Maybe you wanted to make me feel guilty, like I owed you something."

_That's not what I meant_. Akari screamed in her mind, but all she managed to do was to shake her head, too shocked to tear up or speak.

"Did you figure that I would be guilty enough to go out with you?" Hikaru asked caustically and she winced. She did not know where he picked up this cruel, sarcastic tone and she wanted to turn and run away. She wanted to retreat to a corner to lick her wounds before she could face this Hikaru, familiarly harsh yet unfamiliarly hurtful, his lips curled jeeringly, ready for a battle of words.

Her pride refused to let her back down, however, and she retorted, difficultly but icily. "I didn't plan it, if that's what you're hinting at."

Her cold tone both disappointed and relieved Hikaru. This was familiar domain. He was fighting with Akari again, and, hopefully, none of them would be thinking of love interests for a while.

Akari swallowed, her syllables jumbled together as her speech sped up in agitation, "I was not trying to _force_ you into a relationship with me. How could I trick the Go master Shidou, who knows all about my little mind games?"

Hikaru was momentarily stunned by her transformed demeanour. Ever since entering senior high school, the feisty Akari of the past has faded in his memory as her older self was always smiling and polite. For a moment, he gaped at her and missed his chance to throw back a reply.

"I'm sorry if what I said bothered you, but it bothers me as well. It bothers me that I think about you for an unhealthy amount of time. I am going to be a high school senior, and it would really bother me to not be able to concentrate on my schoolwork because I think about you." She paused to take a breath, eyes flashing, out of rage or tears he was not sure. "I hope that clears things up. I did not have any mental designs on you."

"It's not my fault that you are so affected." Hikaru remarked pointedly.

Akari painfully realised how true his words were. She abruptly lowered her head to hide her face from his line of vision and breathed in shakily.

"You're right."

Her flat statement surprised Hikaru. In a matter of seconds, Akari seemed to have lost all energy for quarrelling, as she repeated after a moment of silence, "You're right, it's not anybody's fault that you don't like me as more than a friend. But I wish that you would have at least told me nicely."

Her resigned manner made him uneasy and angry, half at himself and half at her for making him feel this way. He was worried by her hidden face, _Is she alright?_

But while he was fumbling for the correct words to ask her to _please_ look up, the tensed silence in the air grown too much for Akari to handle. She decided it was time to save herself from further humiliation.

She steadied her voice. "I now have no doubt about your feelings for me. Thank you for your honesty."

Hikaru seemed shocked that she was thanking him, and she suddenly wanted to shout at him anew, this time for always making her the one to back down in their rows since they when first knew how to argue.

But she was too sensible and too tired for that, so she continued, "I'll be going then, goodnight." _Goodbye_.

She turned and walked away, her back posed straight and proud and, for once, without a stolen backward glance at him.

Hikaru watched her retreating back turn the corner at the end of the street. He did not relish in the fact that he seemed, yet again, to have won another argument between them. A tinge of something a lot like regret coursed through him.

Akari turned the corner and started running. She sped into her house and up to her room just in time to let her stifled sobs escape unnoticed by anyone. Confronting Hikaru was a decision she made for herself, but, while she did not regret it, she definitely needed time to mourn its consequences.

* * *

Hikaru tossed and turned in his bed.

After returning from his conversation with Akari, he had not been able to focus on anything other than her. Not even the thought of Sai could not re-direct his attention back to Go. In fact, thinking of Sai simply led to more memories about Akari.

"That girl seems to like you a lot." Sai had said. Had Akari liked him from such a long time ago?

Hikaru could not help feeling ashamed of how harsh he had been to Akari. While he did nothing wrong in not returning her feelings, she did nothing wrong in confessing them either. He was too keen to defend his own interests. Too keen to protect his own way of life and not to compromise for the needs of a friend.

And that was what Akari was, right? A dear friend… A dear friend whose friendship was costing him extended period of insomnia.

Hikaru groaned in with frustration as sleep refused to take him at 4 o'clock in the goddamn morning.

As much as his disliked the idea of being influenced or distracted, Hikaru found that, like it or not, he had already been deeply swayed by Akari's confession. He savoured the irony of the situation as his callous reaction, meant to stunt the power of Akari's words, in fact heightened it as his conscience punished him by remembering vividly how her face turned ashen white, how she chewed her lips and how initially she had looked like she wanted to dig a hole and hide in it, but he had unsympathetically _forced_ her to put up a fight, one that she evidently did not enjoy…

Hikaru felt self-loathing weighing down his stomach and decided that he definitely need to solve the Akari Issue (as he had came to call it) by talking it out with her. As soon as possible.

* * *

Akari almost fell off the steps. It was not because of her groggy state from falling asleep crying, but because of the sight of Hikaru in her living room.

He spotted her and, looking embarrassed, attempted a small wave whilst uttering a somewhat feeble "Good Morning" – thus, Akari noted with remorse, eliminating her chance of running back into her room to make a rope with her sheets and to escape from the window. Why does he have to test her resolve to civil, normal and nice? And so early in the morning too!

She was so tired she could slip off the stairs in any moment. Hikaru observed, quite concerned but not sure what lending her a helping hand would do to their teetering friendship.

So he strategically held out a paper bag in his hand. "Look here, I bought you some breakfast. Banana cake's still your favourite, I hope?"

Akari stared before hurriedly rearranging her expression into a grin, the one that she supposed that she would be wearing if she were meeting any other old friends. But Hikaru was not just another old friend, and her lips were stretched too forcefully and her dimple too low for genuine laughter.

"Thanks so much! What's the occasion?" He could tell that it was feigned pleasantness in her voice, but he did not blame her. He would be as tensed if someone who had verbally slashed at him the previous night turned up in his house offering food.

"Eat up while I tell you," he said with his arm still extended. "It's not poisoned."

Akari took the paper bag and wondered if he thought it acted as an olive branch. The idea made her smile a bit.

At the sight of her now truly up-turned lips, Hikaru visibly relaxed into the couch.

"By the way, your mom opened the door for me, in case you think I burgled my way in," he informed as she sat down on the armchair opposite him. "She wanted me to tell you that your lunchbox is on the table and that she wouldn't be back 'til nine today."

Akari nodded mutely. Her first bite into the cake stopped her from sharing her comments on how scarily comfortable both their mothers were with visits abnormally late in the night or unhealthily early in the morning.

"Mrs. Fujisaki didn't used to work for so long." It was both a statement and a question. Although Hikaru came with a clear purpose in mind, he could not help but be curious as he suddenly discovered aspects of Akari's current life he knew nothing of.

"She took up an afternoon shift part-time job." Akari replied, grateful for his choice of a safe, neutral topic. At his questioning look she further supplied, "Dad's health has not been as good and she wanted to lighten his load."

Hikaru nodded his understanding, but did not know any good advice or words of comfort. He never really faced financial difficulties. As a boy, his family had steady income, and as a professional player, awards money had always provided for him adequately.

"Sorry to hear that," he muttered softly, at length.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. We're doing fine, and as long as I get into a public university, we will be fine." Akari fidgeted uncomfortably, not quite sure why she had spilt such an inter-family problem to him.

"I'm sure you will do that with ease." Hikaru remembered that her grades were usually multiples of his.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Akari sighed exaggeratedly, an almost deceptive smile perched on her lips, but her slightly furrowed brows betrayed her worries.

She was dead frightened of somehow messing up her exams, Hikaru realised. He was shocked at how little he knew of the problems and changes in Akari's life. They once knew almost everything about each other.

"You know, I _do_ know very little about you now," he contemplated out loud. Akari froze.

Was this Hikaru's way of telling her that he agreed that they were drifting apart, and he was willing to make an effort to secure their friendship?

_No_. She checked herself firmly. _No false hopes_.

"Says the guy who waltzed in my living room with my favourite breakfast," she rolled her eyes, trying to keep their conversation casual.

"No, I'm serious."

Eye contact, which Akari had been avoiding, was made as she shifted her gaze across the coffee table, caught by surprise. Hikaru looked solemn.

"I've thought about our conversation, and I think you were absolutely right. We really should not have let our friendship slip like that. After all, you don't go around meeting people who knows 9 out of 10 of your childhood memories." He paused, giving her a chance to interject should she want to. Akari said nothing as she looked at him blankly.

He inhaled, and continued. "I really think we should catch up some time. Maybe this weekend?"

She was silent for a while, then she spoke quietly, "You don't have to do this, you know."

"What?" Hikaru was confused.

"You don't have to feel guilty about the conversation, and you don't have to feel sorry for me." Even though her last few words were hushed, a note of bitterness rang through. Hikaru caught it and he sputtered desperately to reassure her, "That's not – "

She cut him short, a steely edge rising in her voice, "I thought the one thing we have agreed upon last night was that neither of us needs to feel guilty."

Hikaru was stung by her use of his own words against him, and his expression must have betrayed his hurt because Akari's voice softened again, "I'm sorry. It was tactless and selfish of me to dump my feelings on you… But I hope that you will take my word for it and believe that I do not holdanything against you. Of course we are still friends, but you don't have to strain yourself to pamper me."

Hikaru was at a loss of words. Which part of what he had said had convinced her that he pitied her?

Akari continued, "Plus, if I remember correctly, you need to concentrate on the Judan Competition right now, not on me and my woes! I should be at the bottom of your lists of priorities, Shidou-Kyudan." She mock saluted.

_But you are not._ Hikaru thought dryly. She had greatly underestimated the influence of her words.

He opened his mouth to object but Akari abruptly stood up, "Oh, it's six thirty already! I need to catch the trolley if I want to be on time for the train!"

Her fake cheerful tone was annoying him. How could she pretend that nothing has happened and avoid the question when she was the one who brought it up?

He wanted make her stay and dissolve the tension between them. Yet the memory of the small wrinkles on her forehead when she worried about her future stopped him. School was important to her and perhaps this time around it was her who wanted no distractions. Hikaru relented grudgingly that he would have to find another time.

Reluctantly handing her the lunchbox, he bidded her a clipped "Have a nice day". She stared at a spot just above his left shoulder as she chirped, "Thanks!"

They parted in awkwardness.

* * *

**A/N**:

It was really hard to think in Hikaru's shoes (boys are so hard to understand!), but I hope I have done his character justice. I have tried to combine his maturity with some of that impulsiveness he still has at the end of the series.

I couldn't actually find out what Akari's official favourite food is. So I eventually combined the favourite foods of girls "stamped" as Akari on an LJ community. That was a close as I could get!

I had doubts about the abrupt change from heated arguments the night before and aimless bantering the morning after, but it just seemed right and I guess life could be weird like that. Both Hikaru and Akari seemed the type that would regret their heat-of-the-moment comments afterwards, so it is only reasonable that they would tread around each other in the morning.

And lastly, I do think that ability to get annoyed easily at each other is a note of intimacy (as weird as that is), to paraphrase JKR, we shout only at those who we consider closest to us :D.

Anyhoos, thanks and hugs to all of you lovely reviewers (you guys keep me grinning at the computer), and to all my new or continuing readers!

Replies:

**foldedflowers: **Thanks! Glad you like it and here comes the 2nd chapter (finally!)

**pirata: **I know exactly what you mean! Hetero pairings are often neglected by fandoms, much to my chagrin as I can't quite bring myself to ship, say, AkiHika. Thanks for the compliment, I'm glad you liked the Akari in my eyes! Hope you will enjoy this second chapter just as much :)


	3. Chapter 3

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I have changed a few things in chap 2 along with this update. (Sorry for those alert spams, if there are any!) Mainly language stuff. The most important change to note is that Chap 2 was renamed "Defense Mechanisms".

Okay. _Italics_ are thoughts. Now on with the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 3: Exchanging Shoes

* * *

"What kind of stupid mistake was _that_?" Akira Touya glowered menacingly. Other members of the Go study club scuttled instinctively out of the range of damage the two rival's spats usually promised.

Hikaru was irked, but could not help but silently agree that his performance had been a wreck. He stubbornly kept his gaze levelled and his lips pursed.

Touya had no patience for his stony silence however, as he stood up to peer condescendingly down. "It's an insult to both your intelligence and mine."

"So you say." Hikaru replied tightly, drawing himself too to his full height. His uncharacteristic lack of volume, however, earned a few curious glances.

Touya could tell that while Hikaru had not returned the heat in his words, he sounded immensely frustrated for an unknown reason. He paused, and, not outgunned but definitely out of spirit to argue, advised simply, "Shidou, I don't know what on earth is on your mind, but you need to clear your head."

He waited for the meaning of his words to sink in, before emphasizing, "You _need_ to clear your head, and do it quickly, before I beat you to Judan and you lose your right to join the Honindo Competition."

Not waiting to see, and perhaps confident of, the effect of his words, Touya walked away in strides.

_He was right_. Hikaru heaved a sigh as he sank back down into his chair, not bothering to gather up the pieces quite yet. He stared spiritlessly at the board. _An amateur mistake like loosening guard on the upper corner of the board…_

The arrangement of the pieces was familiar.

* * *

**TWO YEARS AGO**

"You exposed the upper area with this move." Hikaru gestured, explaining to Akari the key move that lost her the game.

Akari frowned in concentration. "Hmm, I see what you mean. But how was I supposed to know that I will lose more pieces here than I would gain in the middle ground?"

"You weren't supposed to know," He grinned, "I'm just too good for you."

"Don't gloat!" she huffed, "You're like – " her stock of vile analogies was nil, " – like an NBA player who brags about being able to play basketball!"

"More like Major League player who brags about being able to play baseball," He correctly solemnly, but with a betraying humorous twinkle in his eyes.

She rolled her eyes, "Forgive me for I fail to see the difference."

Their eyes met and held each other's for a second before both succumbed to laughter. Hikaru absently noted that they had not shared such a light-hearted, random conversation for a long time, and that it felt good to be able to be so completely _unguarded_.

And, as he had been doing for the past decade and more, he voiced his thoughts truthfully. "It's nice to talk to you like this. I missed being feeling so easy around someone."

He had expected an equally cheerful and casual reply from Akari. Her widen-eyed look of shyness mildly intrigued but also alarmed him.

"It's nothing." Akari muttered quietly. "I-I don't really do it consciously." Seconds later she added as an after thought, "I'm glad I've been able to help you either way."

"I should buy you a drink for this. You've wasted your afternoon on me, when you have other works to attend to." Hikaru said, half as reminder to himself.

Again, Akari reacted in an unexpected manner. She shook her head violently, and adopted an urgently polite tone. "No no, don't feel like it's a favour that you owe me, because speaking of _unwitting_ favours you've done the same for me too."

At this he blinked. "I did?"

Seeming to have suddenly realized what she had let slip, Akari turned a darker shade of red as she nodded nervously.

"How so?" Hikaru asked, curiosity getting the best of him.

"Um, this might sound very very weird," seeing Hikaru nodded at every 'very' to urge her on, Akari swallowed. "Basically, I've been having regular mock exams between terms, and I felt panicked and restless about the revision." She halted uncertainly.

Hikaru nudged encouragingly, "And then?"

"Well, as I walked home from my cram school, I often see that your window was still lit. Which meant you must still be studying for Go, and I felt somewhat … accompanied. In my hard work."

Hikaru cocked his head, looking thoughtful at her admissions, and Akari did not dare to peer behind her lashes as she rushed on, "You helped me to focus on my life with your focus on your own. Don't you think that's something about friendship? Even the mere _idea_ of the existence of a friend can give comfort and support. We don't necessarily have to _be_ around each other to be able to help each other out, right?"

During the brief silence that followed, she smiled tentatively at him, heart slightly fluttering in anticipation of what would follow.

In truth, she was more questioning herself than persuading him, and discreetly she had wanted him to prove her wrong, even just with a slightly doubtful quirk of the brow. She had wanted him to argue that solid physical presence was still more reassuring than the flimsy concept of a friend also slaving away for his goal in life. Most of all, she had wanted him to confirm that he would love her company, focused on Go or not.

But Hikaru was not one to notice such subtleties and trusted unwaveringly in the face value of her words – like a dutiful best friend and a rotten object of affection.

"Yeah… I suppose so." He had not quite understood, but, seeing that she was uncomfortable with the subject, lightly dropped it.

* * *

Two years later, Hikaru belatedly realized that Akari had made the lonely observation that two friends, no matter how close, have personal spaces and agendas that aught to be respected by the other. They become barriers in intimacy and gaps in shared memories, but do not necessarily detract from the friendship's affectionate nature.

Hikaru made up his mind.

If Akari needed to concentrate, then, as a friend, it was the least he could do to give her space and time until she was ready to be distracted and to talk about the unresolved issues between them.

* * *

_Liberation was sweet._ Akari smiled as she stretched her tight muscles after a long period of studying.

It has been a month or so after her confrontation with Hikaru, and her spring term was drawing to a close. Tomorrow will be Friday and the last of her examinations will be gone by the afternoon.

The wind stirred her notepapers and Akari momentarily closed her eyes to feel it against her face.

She has been single-mindedly devoted to her school work and her rankings were improving. The fog that shrouded her future path also lifted slightly as she could feel with certainty that Go Weekly reading habits and possibly Go-related career were in fact what she wanted. _For myself. _She thought, somewhat triumphantly.

She rejoiced in the fact that she could now view her decisions without the nagging fear that she was losing something of herself to trade for the possibility of an access to Hikaru's world.

_Because _that_ hope has been violently dashed and mercilessly beaten to pulp. _Akari mused about the incident and its bittersweet results.

Admittedly, her feelings for Hikaru inspired her interest initially, but now she no longer looked upon this fact with shame. Rather, she accepted this aspect of her past as a shaping factor of her character. She was not about to discard Hikaru's influences in her life simply because he rejected her – that would be denying the part of her that had choose to fall for him.

She may not have been the same girl that she was before she fell in love with him, but all her changes were passed and authorized by her. She was her own person, and it felt good to be so sure after so many years.

* * *

The cicadas' obnoxious notes announced the arrival of summer. Summer in Tokyo was heat. It was typhoons and it was also when the commerce flourished as students were released, if temporarily, from the clutches of school.

For Hikaru, though, primarily, it was a chance for retribution. He was impatient to rid the conviction of him as the guilty one in ruining his and Akari's relationship.

The first week of the summer break was when the two families, the Fujisakis and the Shidous, customarily take turns to host dinners for the others. Hikaru knew for a fact that Akari, as a student, will have no good reason not to attend the event. He reasoned that then be a perfectly unthreatening way to approach her, and that, when worst comes to worst, he would have all summer to badger her, if that was what it would take to persuade her to re-examine their friendship.

Contrary to Hikaru's reasoning, however, Akari was unsettled nonetheless when she saw the Shidous arrive with their only son. She had thought that he would wriggle out of this embarrassing encounter with excuses about Go commitments. She wondered what on earth was wrong with him.

The moment the door to Fujisaki's household swung open, Hikaru also felt like his decision to come was a fallacy in logic – he had failed to consider _how_ to go about approaching her.

Although he strangely found Akari's dazed expression amusing, he had better sense than to tease her about it. He did not want her to think that he was smug about her feelings for him, after all. He was just dearly concerned about how much he had hurt her when he had endeavoured to avoid romantic entanglements.

Maybe he should have wrote down a five-step plan to convince her that his earnest apology and desire to patch things with her has nothing to do with pity and everything to do with the fact that they have been friends for so long he would feel quite lonely without the knowledge that she would gladly be his relax-games opponent anytime.

How do those guys in movies and TV shows act so winningly? All _he_ could do was to utter meekly, "Hello. It's been a long time, no?"

Akari agreed in an equally timid voice, "Yeah, it's been busy, hasn't it?"

They talked disjointedly about inconsequential things like weather as they moved into the Fujisaki living room, where a few plates of finger food appetizers were served. Both found excuse to not speak as they ate their shares and in silence, Hikaru thinking frantically and Akari not knowing what to think.

The parents caught up with much more enthusiasm. Immediately, and rather inevitably, their subject of discussion jumped to the children.

"It is nice that Hikaru knows so well what he wants." Mr. Fujisaki commented, his mention of Hikaru's name drawing the attention of both teenagers'. "Akari here is still unsure of what major to take in university."

"Dad!" Akari protested softly.

"Well, it is true, my dear, and it's okay," Her father smiled at her soothingly, "Not many seventeen year-olds knows the best career for him or her. Hikaru just happens to be the few that have strong inclinations from an early age."

"Actually," Mr. Shidou laughed, "it's not like Hikaru's all _that_ purposeful. He simply wins matches and moves on."

"Hey! What other things do you expect a Go player to do?" It was Hikaru's turn to protest.

As Mrs. Fujisaki excused herself to the kitchen to warm up some food, the exchange continued.

"Either way, _I_ think that it is a parent's sweet burden to counsel and guide their children," Mrs. Shidou pondered out loud, "Your Akari would still be with you for at least a few years. Our Hikaru is actually leaving Japan for a while. He'll be travelling between overseas Go Institute for friendly rub-shoulders and warm-up matches for at least a year."

As Mrs. Shidou sighed, Akari's startled gaze met Hikaru's across the coffee table of the Fujisakis' living room in a sense of déjà vu. As he held her stare steadily, she felt a swell of feelings rising in her chest. Feelings that she had successfully kept in check for over a month flooded her senses.

_Away? For a year?_ Her mind reared from the impact, and Mrs. Shidou's next remark was lost on her.

The news shouldn't affect her so - there was nothing in the lifestyle of her past month that required Hikaru's presence - and yet, it did.

It was irrational, but when Hikaru was still _there_, the opportunity to reconcile with him was always _there_ as well. Now she felt like her options were being snatched out of her fingers, and that she was forced to choose between keeping all and keeping nothing of her friendship with Hikaru.

Knowing that their link may be severed beyond repair from this separation was unbearable.

Akari searched Hikaru's eyes for signs of a similar apprehension, but he seemed more to be appraising her reactions than exposing that of his own.

"Akari, come get this list. There are a few things that I want you to pick up for me from the supermarket."

Mrs. Fujisaki's shout from the kitchen broke their locked gaze as both hastily looked away.

As if unaware of the tension between them, Mrs. Shidou intoned casually, "Hikaru aught to help then, it's not safe for pretty young girls to travel alone at this hour of the day." She winked at Akari, who could not help but gawk rather impolitely in return.

Before she could think of a tactful way to say that there was no need, her mother accepted graciously on her behalf, "That would be nice. Thanks in advance then, Hikaru."

Akari's head pivoted violently around to watch Hikaru, half wishing that he would risk rudeness to refuse, and half wishing he would say that it was no problem and he certainly would help.

It seemed to her that eons passed before Hikaru mutely nodded, and she exhaled a breath that was both out of dismay and gratification.

* * *

**A/N:**

I don't know if the whole flashback was too far-flung or her explanation about his "unwitting favour" a bit delusional for some tastes, but until I have better expressions they are staying that way. (If you have suggestions, please do give them!) Of course, I intend to clear this bit of insecurity up in later chapters, so bear with me (you'll need loads of patience!)

About how Hikaru acted in the family meeting. He just doesn't fit in with the suave image and so he's staying this way - he endears me this way, actually :)

A few factual things (like weather in Tokyo) maybe misplaced but I've tried my best bet in researching these. Please point them out if you wish.

All in all, I hope y'all have enjoyed this chapter. It didn't take me as long (thank heavens plot bunnies are _finally_ producing themselves like bunnies should), so I do hope that quality was up to par! Hugs to all my reviewers and thanks to all my readers, new and not-so-new ones!

Replies to anon. reviews:

**foldedflowers: **I thought this would be a three shot sort of story too, but now it seems that plot bunnies just refuse to go the way they are ordered to, and this would have to be a tad bit longer than planned. Hehe, I'm flattered that the ambiguous ending of my second chap was well-received by you! Well, I hope you will enjoy this new update as well!


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